Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
