They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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