That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
