his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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