I just threw up on my dentist
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
