U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
