What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
