hotel room ftw
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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