Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
