I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
how does that bad decision feel?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
