Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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