How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
