Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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