every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
