I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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