i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
