My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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