Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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