never play flip cup with pint glasses
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
