i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
