NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize