ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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