Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
