apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I could fuck to npr.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
