i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
