1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
