I'm lost and stupid without you.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
