i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
