...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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