I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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