Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
