I think im going to throw up on grandma
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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