What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
3pm strippers are depressing
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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