Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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