I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
