Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I am naked and annoyed.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
