I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I intend to get homeless drunk
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
