Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
