My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
