omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
