I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
