she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize