If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Pants are for mortals
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
