So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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