and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
