i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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