just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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