We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
