He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize