We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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