Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
