So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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