If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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