Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

plz talk dirty to me

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.

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(703): View more from Virginia

If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?

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(301): View more from Maryland

Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.

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(315): View more from New York

They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.

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(816): View more from Missouri

She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.

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(830): View more from Texas

Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.

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(425): View more from Washington

I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.

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