yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
