how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
