The maid of honor just puked.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize