i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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