WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
