grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
