just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
