Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
