I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
