youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
