when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
