my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
