My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
