last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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