So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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