He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize