Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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