theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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