i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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