And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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