i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
