Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
