In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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