Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
