That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
