capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
