So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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