apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
