My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So gin and wine won't be happening again
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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