ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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